How to Support a Grieving Friend When Words Aren’t Enough
How to Truly Support a Grieving Friend
Grief sucks, it's messy and it’s unpredictable. And there’s no “right” way to go through it.
Some days are heavy and still. Others have little moments of light.
Your job as a friend isn’t to fix it — it’s to simply be there.
Let Them Feel What They Feel
Some days your grieving friend may be deep in sadness. On those days, don’t try to “cheer them up” or push them toward positivity. Just let them feel what they feel. Be still with them. Sit in the quiet. Let them know you’re there.
- For me, laughter has been one of the ways I survive my grief — along with my animals. They can’t take care of themselves, so even on my hardest days, I know I have to get up and care for them. And every time they comfort me, do something silly, or just make me smile, they bring me peace. I’m a huge animal lover, so they fill my soul with happiness, love, and yes… sometimes a little aggravation to keep me on my toes. 😉You don’t have to go adopt a dog or cat (though it would be nice! 😉). But feed the birds and watch them at the feeder. Fill a bird bath and see them splash around. If you love animals, go volunteer at a shelter or rescue — even one hour a week can lift you out of your own head and into a moment of connection. It’s good for the soul.
Here are a few more ideas that can help bring a little comfort and light into their days:
- Plant special flowers in memory of your loved one. Tend to them daily, and take time to sit and watch butterflies and bumblebees land on them — their beauty has a way of lifting the spirit.
- Hang a hummingbird feeder. There’s something magical about those colorful little buzzers showing up.
- Quick tip: Hummingbird food is just 4 cups water to 1 cup sugar. Bring to a light boil to dissolve the sugar, let it cool, then fill your feeder. Store the extra in a container so you have it ready to refill in a couple of days.
- Get a bird feeder with a camera. This has been one of the best things we’ve ever gotten (my husband actually surprised me with mine!). We can watch the birds visit right from our phone. My favorite is when cardinals show up — it feels like a visit from my loved ones.
The Best Response? Keep It Simple
When they say, “It hurts so much,” the best thing you can do is acknowledge it.
“Yes, it does.”
Or, “Yeah, it really friggin sux!”
It may not sound like much, but it’s often exactly what they need — validation that what they’re feeling is real, valid, and hard.
Let the Lighter Moments Happen
And if your grieving friend has a softer moment — maybe they share a joke or a smile — welcome it. Laugh with them. That joy doesn’t mean their grief is gone; it simply gives their heart a short break from the ache. Add to it if you can: “Remember when we…?” Share a funny story, get them laughing again. Laughter can be a lifeline. It doesn’t erase grief — it’s one of the ways we survive it.
Be Specific When You Offer Help
- Generic offers like, “Let me know if you need anything,” often fade into nothing. Instead, try:
- “I’m bringing dinner Thursday — pasta or chicken?”
- “Let’s grab something to eat next week.”
- Drop off a little care package on their porch and text them to let them know there’s a surprise waiting. No pressure, no awkwardness — just a reminder they’re loved.
Show Up — In Ways That Work
- Show up in person (always call first), by text, on the phone, through email… whatever works for them. Your love, your presence, your willingness to just be there — whether it’s in comfortable silence, a heart-to-heart, or even over a margarita — is what fills the empty space in the most healing way possible. Just don’t overwhelm them constantly — sometimes space is just as important as presence.
💬 I’d love to know —
What’s one thing that has helped you or friend through grief?
Please share in the comments. Your story might inspire someone else who needs it right now.
Written by Kim, founder of Sunrise Keepsakes Co.,
Inspired by 15 years of personal grief and helping others honor those they love.