Ways to Remember a Loved One During the Holidays

Finding meaningful ways to remember a loved one during the holidays can bring a little comfort during a season when the people we miss often feel especially close.  The holidays have a way of bringing back memories - the people who were always there, the traditions they started, the recipes they made, and even those little things you didn't realize you'd miss until they were gone.

When someone you love is no longer sitting at the table or opening presents beside you, the holidays can feel very different. You can be surrounded by people you love, laughing and enjoying yourself, and still feel that empty spot in the room.

I've learned that we don't have to stop talking about the people we've lost just because it might make someone sad. For many of us, remembering them is actually comforting.

Creating holiday remembrance traditions gives us a way to include them in the season while still allowing ourselves to enjoy the people and moments we have right in front of us. It doesn't have to be anything elaborate. Sometimes the smallest traditions are the ones that end up meaning the most.

Why Holiday Remembrance Traditions Can Bring Comfort

So many of our holiday traditions are tied to the people we love. Maybe Mom always made a certain cookie, Dad put the lights on the tree, Grandma hosted Christmas dinner, or someone had that one ornament they insisted had to go in the same spot every single year.

After they're gone, those traditions can hit differently.

Some may bring comfort. Others may be too difficult, especially during those first few holidays. And that's okay. You don't have to keep every tradition simply because "that's how we've always done it."

Keep the ones that bring you comfort. Change the ones that don't. And if you want to start something completely new, you can do that too.

There really isn't a right or wrong way to remember someone during the holidays.

Light a Candle in Their Memory

This may be one of the simplest holiday remembrance traditions, but sometimes simple is exactly what we need.

Light a candle on Christmas Eve, Christmas morning, during dinner, or whenever feels right. You can place a favorite photograph beside it or simply let the candle stand on its own.

If you're gathering with family, you could take a few minutes to share a favorite memory while the candle is lit. It doesn't need to turn into a formal ceremony unless that's what your family wants.

And yes, there may be tears.

There may also be laughter when someone tells that story everyone has heard 100 times but still wants to hear again.

That's part of remembering too.

Hang a Memorial Ornament

There's something about unpacking Christmas ornaments that can bring back years of memories before the tree is even decorated.

You pull one out of the box and immediately remember where it came from, who gave it to you, or the story behind it.

That's one reason I love the idea of a [memorial ornament] as a holiday tradition.

It can include a loved one's photograph, name, dates, or a saying that means something to your family. Or it can simply be an ornament that reminds you of them.

Each year when it comes out of the box, their memory comes with it.

Some families even add a new memorial ornament over the years. Eventually, those ornaments become part of the family's Christmas story and something that can be passed down.

And really, that's what keepsakes are supposed to do. They're not meant to replace the person we miss. Nothing could. They're simply something tangible that helps us keep their memory close.

Bring Their Favorite Recipe Back to the Table

Food and memories seem to go hand in hand, especially around the holidays.

Maybe your mom made a certain cookie every Christmas. Grandma had a stuffing recipe nobody else can quite get right. Dad made breakfast Christmas morning. Or maybe your loved one had one particular dessert they looked forward to every year.

Keep making it.

And if you have the handwritten recipe, please don't toss it because the paper is stained, faded, or barely readable. Those are usually the good ones!

Make copies for the family. Frame it. Add it to a family recipe book. Most importantly, tell the younger generations whose recipe it was.

That's how traditions continue.

Share the Stories - Even the Funny Ones

Remembering someone doesn't always have to be sad.

Tell the stories.

Talk about the Christmas Dad tried to put something together without reading the directions. Remember the year Grandma burned something. Laugh about the present someone absolutely hated but tried desperately to pretend they loved.

Those stories are part of someone's life too.

When we continue saying their name and telling their stories, younger family members also get to know them in a different way. Children who may have been very young when someone passed can grow up hearing stories about who they were, what they loved, and all the little things that made them them.

That's a pretty special gift in itself.

Give Something in Their Honor

Another meaningful tradition is doing something kind in your loved one's memory.

It doesn't have to be a huge donation or an organized event. You could buy coffee for someone, donate toys at Christmas, help a family who is struggling, give to an animal rescue, or support a cause that mattered to your loved one.

You could even make it a family tradition and let the kids choose what you'll do each year.

It's a simple way to take the love you still carry for someone and put a little of it back into the world.

Create a Special Place for Their Memory

You don't have to set an empty place at the dinner table if that feels too difficult.

Instead, you might create a small area somewhere in your home with a favorite photograph, candle, ornament, or another meaningful keepsake.

It can be as simple as a photograph on the mantel beside the Christmas decorations.

The point isn't to turn Christmas into a memorial service. It's simply to acknowledge something everyone in the room already knows.  Someone important is missing.  And they're still very much loved.

What If You Don't Feel Like Keeping Any Traditions?

Then don't.

I think this is important to say because there's already enough pressure around the holidays without adding grief to the mix.

Maybe the traditions you've always loved feel comforting this year. Or maybe the thought of doing them without your loved one is simply too much.

You are allowed to change things.  You can go somewhere different for Christmas. Order dinner instead of cooking it. Skip an event. Start a new tradition. Keep Christmas very small.

And what feels right this year may not be what feels right next year.  Grief doesn't follow a calendar, and you don't have to either.

Keeping Their Memory Part of Christmas

Holiday remembrance traditions aren't about pretending everything is the same as it used to be. It isn't. They're about finding little ways to carry the people we love forward with us.

Light the candle. Hang their ornament. Make Mom's cookies. Tell Dad's ridiculous story for the hundredth time. Say their name.  And don't feel guilty if you laugh, celebrate, and enjoy Christmas too.  Missing someone and enjoying the holidays can exist at the same time.  I think sometimes we need to remind ourselves of that.

Frequently Asked Questions

What are some Christmas traditions to remember loved ones who have passed away?

You could light a candle, hang a memorial ornament, make their favorite holiday recipe, display a photograph, share stories around the dinner table, or do something kind in their honor. The best holiday remembrance traditions are the ones that feel meaningful to you and your family.

Should I continue old holiday traditions after someone dies?

Only if they still bring you comfort. You don't have to continue a tradition simply because your family has always done it. Keep what feels right, change what doesn't, and give yourself permission to create new traditions too.

How can I honor someone at Christmas without making everyone sad?

Keep it simple. Hang a special ornament, make their favorite recipe, tell a funny story, or place a photograph somewhere in the room. Remembering someone doesn't always have to be a sad moment. Sharing happy memories and laughing about the good times is part of remembering them too.

Is it okay to enjoy Christmas after losing someone?

Absolutely. Enjoying Christmas doesn't mean you miss your loved one any less. Grief and happiness can exist together. You can miss someone terribly and still laugh, enjoy your family, exchange gifts, eat too many cookies, and have a good day.

Your loved one is part of your story, and that doesn't change because they're no longer physically here. However you choose to remember them this holiday season, keep it simple, make it yours, and do what brings you and your family the most comfort.