Ways to Remember a Loved One During the Holidays

Finding meaningful ways to remember a loved one during the holidays can bring a little comfort during a season when the people we miss often feel especially close. The holidays have a way of bringing back memories - the people who were always there, the traditions they started, the recipes they made, and even those little things you didn't realize you'd miss until they were gone.

When someone you love is no longer sitting at the table or opening presents beside you, the holidays can feel very different. You can be surrounded by people you love, laughing and enjoying yourself, and still feel that empty spot in the room.

I've learned that we don't have to stop talking about the people we've lost just because it might make someone sad. For many of us, remembering them is actually comforting.

Creating holiday remembrance traditions gives us a way to include them in the season while still allowing ourselves to enjoy the people and moments we have right in front of us. It doesn't have to be anything elaborate. Sometimes the smallest traditions are the ones that end up meaning the most.

Why Holiday Remembrance Traditions Can Bring Comfort

So many of our holiday traditions are tied to the people we love.

For me, Christmas decorating will always be connected to my mom. She loved Christmas, and decorating was our thing together. I think that's a big part of why I still love it so much today.

I have many of the ceramic Christmas pieces she made over the years, including a cat nativity she made especially for me. Every Christmas when I bring those pieces back out, it feels like I'm bringing a little piece of her into the season with me.

My Christmas tree is like that too. I've never been someone who needs a perfectly coordinated tree where every ornament matches. I want the ornaments with stories. Some came from my childhood, some remind me of my mom and other people I've loved, and some were made for me years ago by people who are now grown. Each one carries a memory.

That's the thing about holiday traditions. Sometimes it's not really the tree, the ornament, the recipe, or the Christmas music that matters. It's who and what they bring back to us.

After they're gone, those traditions can hit differently.

Some may bring comfort. Others may be too difficult, especially during those first few holidays. And that's okay. You don't have to keep every tradition simply because "that's how we've always done it."

Keep the ones that bring you comfort. Change the ones that don't. And if you want to start something completely new, you can do that too.

There really isn't a right or wrong way to remember someone during the holidays.

 

Light a Candle in Their Memory

This may be one of the simplest holiday remembrance traditions, but sometimes simple is exactly what we need.

Light a candle on Christmas Eve, Christmas morning, during dinner, or whenever feels right. You can place a favorite photograph beside it or simply let the candle stand on its own.

If you're gathering with family, you could take a few minutes to share a favorite memory while the candle is lit. It doesn't need to turn into a formal ceremony unless that's what your family wants.

And yes, there may be tears.

There may also be laughter when someone tells that story everyone has heard 100 times but still wants to hear again.

That's part of remembering too.

 

Hang a Memorial Ornament

There's something about unpacking Christmas ornaments that can bring back years of memories before the tree is even decorated.

You pull one out of the box and immediately remember where it came from, who gave it to you, or the story behind it.

That's one reason I love the idea of a memorial ornament as a holiday tradition.

It can include a loved one's photograph, name, dates, or a saying that means something to your family. Or it can simply be an ornament that reminds you of them.

Each year when it comes out of the box, their memory comes with it.

Some families even add a new memorial ornament over the years. Eventually, those ornaments become part of the family's Christmas story and something that can be passed down.

And really, that's what keepsakes are supposed to do. They're not meant to replace the person we miss. Nothing could. They're simply something tangible that helps us keep their memory close.

 

Bring Their Favorite Recipe Back to the Table

Food and memories seem to go hand in hand, especially around the holidays.

And if you have the handwritten recipe, please don't toss it because the paper is stained, faded, or barely readable. Those are usually the good ones!

I have some of those old family recipes myself. They're not pretty or Pinterest-perfect. They're worn, handwritten, stained, and sometimes you have to figure out exactly what the person meant. But I'd take one of those old recipe cards over a perfectly typed recipe any day.

(yes, this is a real recipe above from my Aunt Ruth! She was an amazing baker)

Make copies of their favorite recipe for the family. Frame it. Add it to a family recipe book. Most importantly, tell the younger generations whose recipe it was.

That's how traditions continue.

 

Share the Stories - Even the Funny Ones

Remembering someone doesn't always have to be sad.

Some of my favorite memories are the ones that still make me laugh.

One Christmas, my grandmother told me that one of her bingo friends needed help buying Christmas presents for her granddaughter. She took me to Toys "R" Us and had me pick things out. Apparently, I wasn't thrilled about this arrangement because I purposely picked things I didn't even like.

Christmas morning came.

Guess what I got?

Yep. All the stuff I'd picked out.

My Mema got me good. And I learned a lesson that Christmas.

Then there was the year I decided I was going to peek at the presents under our tree. My parents went out, and apparently I thought this was my big opportunity. I carefully loosened the tape, took a little peek at each present, and put everything back because I thought no one would ever know.

My mother knew.

I never did that again either.

Those are the stories I still want to tell. They're not necessarily profound stories about grief. They're simply little pieces of my life with people I loved.

I remember getting my first bicycle with the banana seat and thinking it was the greatest thing in the world. And I remember the Cabbage Patch craze in the '80s, when my mom and grandfather stood in line so they could get me the dolls I desperately wanted for Christmas.

My parents didn't have a lot of money, but somehow they always did what they could to make Christmas special.

When we continue saying someone's name and telling their stories, younger family members get to know them too. They learn what made them laugh, what drove them crazy, the things they did for us, and all those little things that made them them.

That's a pretty special gift in itself.

 

Give Something in Their Honor

Another meaningful holiday remembrance tradition is doing something kind in your loved one's memory.

It doesn't have to be a huge donation or an organized event. You could buy coffee for someone, donate toys at Christmas, help a family who is struggling(love this one), give to an animal rescue (one of my favorite ideas), or support a cause that mattered to your loved one.

You could even make it a family tradition and let the kids choose what you'll do each year.

It's a simple way to take the love you still carry for someone and put a little of it back into the world.

 

Create a Special Place for Their Memory

You don't have to set an empty place at the dinner table if that feels too difficult. Personally, that's not something I would do either.

I would rather create a special place somewhere in the room where everyone can see it as they're gathering, talking, eating, and enjoying the day. It could be on the mantel, a side table, near the Christmas tree, or even somewhere close to the dinner table without actually setting an empty place.

One of my favorite ways to do this is with a Christmas in Heaven frame or memorial plaque with a photograph of the person we're missing. Add a small battery-operated candle beside it, and you have a simple, beautiful way to include their memory in the room.

I especially love the battery-operated candles with timers. You can set one to come on at the same time every evening, and there's something comforting about seeing that little light appear beside their photograph each night. And because it's battery-operated, you don't have to worry about remembering to blow it out.

A Christmas memorial frame or plaque can also make a meaningful gift for another family member who misses that person just as much as you do. Sometimes it's comforting to know that their photograph and memory have a special place in more than one home during the holidays.

It doesn't have to become the center of Christmas or turn the day into a memorial service. It's simply a quiet way of saying, You're still part of our Christmas. You're still remembered. And you're still very much loved.

 

What If You Don't Feel Like Keeping Any Traditions?

Then don't.

I think this is important to say because there's already enough pressure around the holidays without adding grief to the mix.

I know this one firsthand.

My mom and I loved Christmas. Even after she moved to Maine, she would drive down in early December and stay with me for about a week. I always made sure my house was completely decorated before she arrived because I knew how much she loved it.

By then, decorating her own home had become harder for her, so having her here with my house all decked out for Christmas became part of our special time together.

The first Christmas after she died, I wanted nothing to do with any of it.

Normally, my Christmas decorations start going up right after Thanksgiving. My tree may even be up before then. But that year, I just couldn't do it.

About a week before Christmas, I finally told myself, I have to at least put up the tree.

So that's what I did.

I put up the tree and brought out just a few things that meant the most to me, including the big ceramic Christmas tree my mom had made.

That was it.

And you know what?

It was enough.

I'm glad I did it. And knowing my mom, she probably would've been looking down at me pretty annoyed if I hadn't put anything up at all.

Over time, decorating changed from something that reminded me of what I'd lost into something that helps me feel close to her.

Now one of my favorite things to do during the holidays is sit in the room at night with every light off except the Christmas tree.

Sometimes Mike will walk in and ask, "What are you doing?"

"Just sitting here."

And that's really all I'm doing. Sitting there looking at the lights and the ornaments and thinking.

It brings me an incredible amount of peace and comfort.

Maybe the traditions you've always loved feel comforting this year. Or maybe the thought of doing them without your loved one is simply too much.

You are allowed to change things. You can go somewhere different for Christmas. Order dinner instead of cooking it. Skip an event. Start a new tradition. Keep Christmas very small.

And what feels right this year may not be what feels right next year. Grief doesn't follow a calendar, and you don't have to either.

Keeping Their Memory Part of Christmas

Holiday remembrance traditions aren't about pretending everything is the same as it used to be. It isn't.

They're about finding little ways to carry the people we love forward with us.

Light the candle. Hang their ornament. Make Mom's cookies. Tell that ridiculous story for the hundredth time. Put out something they made. Say their name.

And don't feel guilty if you laugh, celebrate, and enjoy Christmas too.

Missing someone and enjoying the holidays can exist at the same time. I think sometimes we need to remind ourselves of that.

For me, some of the things that once hurt the most around Christmas have eventually become sources of comfort. The decorations my mom made, the ornaments filled with memories, and even sitting quietly by the Christmas tree are ways I still carry her with me.

So remember, the traditions may change as the years go by, but the love behind them doesn't.

 

Frequently Asked Questions

What are some Christmas traditions to remember loved ones who have passed away?

You could light a candle, hang a memorial ornament, make their favorite holiday recipe, display a photograph, share stories around the dinner table, or do something kind in their honor. The best holiday remembrance traditions are the ones that feel meaningful to you and your family.

Should I continue old holiday traditions after someone dies?

Only if they still bring you comfort. You don't have to continue a tradition simply because your family has always done it. Keep what feels right, change what doesn't, and give yourself permission to create new traditions too.

How can I honor someone at Christmas without making everyone sad?

Keep it simple. Hang a special ornament, make their favorite recipe, tell a funny story, or place a photograph somewhere in the room. Remembering someone doesn't always have to be a sad moment. Sharing happy memories and laughing about the good times is part of remembering them too.

Is it okay to enjoy Christmas after losing someone?

Absolutely. Enjoying Christmas doesn't mean you miss your loved one any less. Grief and happiness can exist together. You can miss someone terribly and still laugh, enjoy your family, exchange gifts, eat too many cookies, and have a good day.

Your loved one is part of your story, and that doesn't change because they're no longer physically here.

However you choose to remember them this holiday season, keep it simple, make it yours, and do what brings you and your family the most comfort.